♥

2011-03-07T23:15:00.000-08:00

people keep saying you dont need marriage to institutionalize love. i wonder if thats the "cool" mentality to have these days, that most everyone tries to rationalize that its ok to know that love is like sand, comes and go, so why tie it down bcos its never gonna last. there aint no more "i do forever" bcos no one believes outwardly, but i suspect inwardly, theres still the yearn to be tied down. disagree w me by flooding me w simple philosophical arguments if you will.

i dont know all these writes, all these artists, all these philosophers, but i dont feel that its pretentious what you go on about, contrary, it makes me wanna know more, but i absolutely have no idea what these philosophers go on about, why they take such a simple concept and complicate it w big words.. thats what we like to do to make ourselves more intellectual aint it? i think its such a beauty if one can explain such a hard concept in simple words that get your point across, thats intelligence baby.

moody and disturbing. is that something the "crazy" wants to hang on to because it sets them apart? moments of low & madness you dont want to let go, bcos it makes you appreciate everything around more. but why play w that uncertainty when you know you are about to get out of that dark depression? i dont know. does it really make me see the truth of this world? bcos i dont want to be sucked back into this money crazy bourgeois aplenty world? bcos i think it creates a personality in me? bcos i think i like my mind to be tortured in that way? bcos i feel i can create better w all these crazy intense emotions in me even tho they arnt all that positive? i know im stepping out already, getting out, breaking out into something more cheerful, more expressive, more delightful bcos i have sort of figured what i want, which is just to travel for now and defi do something creative or social work, yet a part of me wants to retain my deep dark thoughts. i wonder, i should just keep walking out walking on towards the light of freedom of my mind out of mazes and just keep being fascinated w life too. yes, that is red, that is blue, that is yellow. see my glass half fulll always. its about control, this danger of wanting to be lost in my own mind, driving myself crazy, now i can see from a better perspective, im on my way out. why look back doll? dont.

“Here’s the thing: If you ever got me, you wouldn’t know what to do with me.”

2011-03-07T05:45:00.001-08:00

i wonder what happened, btw the time from childhood of pure harmless love to adulthood where love is so easily manipulated for selfish reasons.
i am a product of that mystery btw.

2011-03-06T18:47:00.001-08:00

i need to stop weeding. stop spiralling. stop going down.
yo no shit aint going down this time.

2011-03-06T17:34:00.000-08:00

i feel a sudden urge to roll a joint & puff.
to forget. to trip. to not feel what i feel. to not feel the rush of weirdness.
when did things get so messed up?
or is there something in me that wants to retain that madness
so as not to be normal?
brighter note, i think im getting there.
why am i wanting to hold back. WHY mama mierdas why

2011-03-06T06:34:00.001-08:00

The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because it’s only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on. — Chuck Palahniuk

2011-03-04T19:35:00.000-08:00

Arthur Schopenhauer, says, “The final aim of all love intrigues, be they comic or tragic, is really of more importance than all other ends in human life. What it all turns upon is nothing less than the composition of the next generation.… It is not the weal or woe of any one individual, but that of the human race to come, which is here at stake.”

2011-03-04T19:33:00.001-08:00

You’re spinning on a merry-go-round at no cost. It’s whirling around a star that has hitched a ride on a galaxy moving so fast in the universe you can’t even feel it. So listen, doll. Whatever went wrong yesterday? You’ve already moved on.

2011-03-04T18:27:00.001-08:00

i taught how evil you can be. you taught anyone can act contrary to what they are.
bottom line?
give what you want to get back

2011-03-04T17:37:00.000-08:00

its funny how u think u lost urself & found it, bt to lose it again when some currents come. its never tt u lost urself,its more of denying it bcos of some prefixed perception of how you shud be to be more loved & accepted. or is it an internal struggle to make sense of all of this, & when should be right? then it bcomes serious, turbulent, & u realize its not fun anymore. but how can u be fun when theres so much involved? or act like its ok?
its coming out,much better than previous june, more sorted out the mind, bt still, what am i looking for in this world?

2011-03-01T22:45:00.000-08:00

i wonder where all my intensity for life, the montage of endless questions and thoughts about life went?
maybe i found a lil piece of myself? a cosmic calmness ensues?
but why do i wanna hang on to the craziness of my mind that tortures me at night?
creates a personality? i dont know, yet

2011-02-22T18:08:00.001-08:00

the living gloom, i finally lay to rest.
the cries in june, finally has come to past
guess its only up and away now :)

"Life must move on. The world doesn’t stop spinning just because you can’t see the light of day. Life is waiting. Don’t miss out on it. Every second is a chance to be born again. Embrace the opportunities life has to offer- regret is probably more painful than heartache. You can love again, but you can’t live again.

Start living. "

I A M L E A V I N G I N T W O W E E K S

2011-02-11T18:55:00.000-08:00

this is the world that we live in
i dont want to feel tired
i want to be fascinated so easily like a child
to live a life of "what ifs" yes ive messed up a few but its gonna be cleaned up, forgotten and ripped off to start anew.
i wanna smile
to respect people
to know it all comes from within, doesnt matter how ppl react but what my reactions are.
to know each day comes only once, so precious is my time, no allowance for what ifs, no beat up for things not done,for i am only human fumbling along to discover life.
i wanna see the world, see it, smile at it, face it, embrace it, embrace everything in 2011, bad and good, pick myself up bravely, walk on, laugh, see life through diff eyes, see life, cry, sparkle, glitter, feel and know wat is real..
everything matters, but then nothing really matters?

2011-02-05T19:11:00.001-08:00

sometimes i wonder if my wanting of a disconnection from this world is an escape. escape from reality? or simply just a simple desire for simplicity?
i guess to find who i am, fearless in accepting my flaws, comfortable in my own skin, then do you find people who matters stay
random, love with a child is such a pure thing, they are what they seem, no hidden agenda in their love, a kind of love i can freely give knowing that it will be taken harmlessly, not taken advantage of, and one they will freely give back w every fibre of their soul, if willing. the kind of love i dare to open my heart to, to whollly give bcos i guess they will never trample on it, or if they do, you wont blame them, they are real. children are real. why do we grow up losing ourselves then, using people, trying so hard to find ourselves in the midst of a free wheeling crazy world. fuzzy nightmare slowly fades now, i lift my head and wonder what next? my heart longs for a basic meaningful life, somehow knows its what i want. i just need to find a way there. way back to my inner core, my heart's words.

2011-02-02T17:48:00.000-08:00

she:If you know what's right (and you do) on the 1st, why are you agreeing to a situation that feels wrong? A love affair that doesn't meet your needs isn't a love affair at all, sweet pea, so if that's what you're in, it's time to make a change. This doesn't even mean you need to leave: Maybe you just need to express your needs, in a no-nonsense kind of way. After all, if you've never made it clear to them, you have only yourself to answer to.
me:well said

2011-02-01T03:42:00.000-08:00

bcos u just arnt :)
'Don’t date a girl who reads because girls who read are the storytellers. You with the Joyce, you with the Nabokov, you with the Woolf. You there in the library, on the platform of the metro, you in the corner of the café, you in the window of your room. You, who make my life so god damned difficult. The girl who reads has spun out the account of her life and it is bursting with meaning. She insists that her narratives are rich, her supporting cast colorful, and her typeface bold. You, the girl who reads, make me want to be everything that I am not. But I am weak and I will fail you, because you have dreamed, properly, of someone who is better than I am. You will not accept the life that I told of at the beginning of this piece. You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being storied. So out with you, girl who reads. Take the next southbound train and take your Hemingway with you. I hate you. I really, really, really hate you.'

2011-01-30T01:21:00.001-08:00

so she said there's no such thing as fighting, it comes.
& believe all things that happen, have to happen, bcos they happen for a reason.
connect the dots backwards, cos u cant from the present, h'no

2011-01-30T01:12:00.001-08:00

i dont want to be no drama queen
so they say get out
& wake up not like its a nightmare.

2011-01-14T15:46:00.000-08:00

if u have asked me, i wld have layed a diff story on you.
i wld have told u i wasnt asking for anything w such uncertainty in my life
i just wondered about consistency that u didnt have.
but the way you handled this threw me off
solved a confusion with hardened cruel cold heart
i allowed myself to be treated this way, simply put by other being
frankly i did not deserve that.
you are not capable of giving, not capable of handling or resolving
and im better off w/o this, i see this clearly now
such dominance & 90% you, one clapping hand, nothing to give.
i lost some of myself, wasnt able to be myself fully, do what i want
now i know what i need.
and it has nothing to do w you anymore. your incapability. age really does matter, a little bit.
maybe if u lose ur hot blood, open up your mind, find yourself.
then again who am i to judge, everyone has their own battles, but this time, its not the words u say that ppl's gonna rmb but the way u made them feel. this ignoring and running away is enough to make me drop it, turn & leave.
goodbye.

2011-01-12T05:48:00.001-08:00

this is a crazy world we just need to put things in perspective

2011-01-09T03:50:00.001-08:00

its funny now im lookin at the big picture and feeling a lot a lot better. there's so much in this world to fuss about than all these mundane things.
first, i need to get back to basics. and nature.

2011-01-09T03:48:00.001-08:00

MAYBE ITS THE PLACE I AM AT NOW THAT DOESNT LET ME FIND MY CORE. DOESNT GIVE ROOM TO THINK. I WANT TO GO BACK TO BASICS>!

2011-01-09T03:42:00.000-08:00

are we demented? are we twisted? whats my core? so i can be swayed yet held on so constantly strong.
i believe before "its a life blessed by God with abundant blessings, slapped with so many miracles. thats me living life to the fullest" like how i felt in china.
do i still believe that? i want to match that with the reality i am in. i want to feel like that again. i want to feel alive. i want to sit in the mountains w the moon as the only source of light, to be blown away by beauty so majestic so aggressive it rips my heart apart. that everything else feels redundant & all that matters, aint my future problems or past tortures, just the present, just me and the now. & the amazement of this world.
picasso is crazy in his mind. thats why he siad everything u can imagine can be real. true to an extent! see i say he's crazy, btu i wish i was as crazy. i want ot have such a passion for something and go crazy about it. i rather this than normal, boring.

2011-01-09T01:39:00.000-08:00

funny how i can be totally indecisive about this pulling away to wanting to end it to today, missing you guaylo.
yes, there's fear, but there's freedom at the other end.
its a choice, i want to give this a choice bcos i want to.
i wonder if u feel the same
still i wat to say it out, cos every other side theres freedom and i need that bad

2011-01-09T00:01:00.001-08:00

Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom

2011-01-07T17:38:00.000-08:00

i thought i've always wanted this. now ive got it, maybe i realize it was better the way before. the sadness of something which is now nothing. if its a drag ill let it go. ill let this go. & get back on my life.
& u look up at the sky & wonder, why lord let this happen when u know its gonna end like this. why even start? well, at least it answers my questions, at least i tried i know i wont regret
simply put: its too much work.
predictable in understanding is prob a lot easier.
I m just myself tryin to find me.

i wanna puke. this time its the premonition of the end.

2011-01-03T15:27:00.000-08:00

Marilyn Monroe- A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left

"If my ship sails from sight, it doesn't mean my journey ends, it simply means the river bends."

"If I cannot understand my friend's silence, I will never get to understand his words."

J. Enoch Powell

2010-12-24T18:37:00.001-08:00

inability to show love belongs to the cowards
to be able to do so is the prerogative of the brave.
i am a C then.

2010-12-15T13:49:00.001-08:00

every day comes only once
not includin stuff ups
why are girls just so much easier
or rather, why creation in this manner?

2010-12-08T18:37:00.001-08:00

me: what am i doing?
tar: what are u doin? ur just being human.
i feel strangely normal. validated. I'm ok.

well, 2011, i hope India, South america & maybe South east Asia will be mine.

& what the future brings, i cant see, my toes tentative on its next step. ohyea

2010-12-05T01:58:00.000-08:00

"This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

Marilyn monroe in her non destructive, clear minded stage.

2010-11-24T04:53:00.000-08:00

we choose what we cannot get. & subject our hearts to the foreseeable pain. yet we still do it. and time will heal. it always does. the thing we lack most, holds so much power. humans are so resilient, its a wonder.

PR is just a mechanism for me to buy some time. and what after, may i ask

2010-11-20T21:19:00.000-08:00

I've come to the conclusion that the best and most important things in life are the things that we can not see. That is the reason we close our eyes when we kiss a person we love, cry over someone we care about, and dream about what we believe.

ONE WAY OF OPENING YOUR EYES IS TO
ASK YOURSELF, "WHAT IF I HAD NEVER
SEEN THIS BEFORE? WHAT IF I KNEW I
WOULD NEVER SEE IT AGAIN?"

ppl got to stop being witty. cos u never have answers to these questions until its gone. stop being all deep. everyone is the same piece of pathetic S.

2010-11-19T12:29:00.000-08:00

joy ever lastin
to still be able to say this when my world is turned upside down.
;)
gve me a backpack n airtix nw
i wanna drop, leave behind to a place where im unknown n its unknown to me

2010-11-16T14:42:00.000-08:00

22 years ago, its been a long way. today the music tastes sweeter, my mind runs wilder, my heart wavers more confusedly, my future seems even more uncertain, my longing to travel grows a mile more, logic seems to say its not gonna work.
& let me break it down for myself.
bcos i dont know you still. bcos u dont know what u want still. bcos u are so young still. bcos we have diff values. bcos u are gonna leave soon. bcos i dont believe in things u believe its ok. bcos we are culture-ly diff, bcos you dont make me safe. bcos you nv ask me about me. bcos its all surface. bcos i dont knwo what i want. bcos i keep comparing to S. bcos i dont know. i shud pull all stops. funnily, i feel boxed up, its an automatic protection, which was completely broken down by S. but ive stop missing u S. things that arent meant to be, will not be.
Lord,stop the test, i dont even want to take it. my heart cant fail, its not fun no more.
"i dont know" seems to hover over so much, then again, the most certain person can be thrown off by the slightest change of path.
ave marie-she was lost, in so many ways.

dont ask me about my future, or life. i dont know. i feel like puking my inner guts out literally.

2010-11-10T16:48:00.000-08:00

never stop moving.
on a random note

2010-11-09T15:11:00.000-08:00

plethora of people are trudging along the route i took a few months ago, forging friendships they wish tt could go on beyond online technology, they wish tt would have happen somewhere else less transient. & life still goes on sadly, while the mind's left in the past, try to reach and pull the heart back, for only the present counts, for its too late to appreciate something when it becomes your past.

"only difference between a rut and a grave, is its depth'"

2010-11-09T14:44:00.001-08:00

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.
-sir winston churchill

i think im gonna volunteer in some remote parts of this world, now, what would daddy say

2010-10-28T15:06:00.000-07:00

C said something w so much truth
dont think u know someone until u really do
no way can u know someone in a day, tts what ur heart's telling u, but in a few months time, ur brain will tell u something else.
and then that standard u set, will only start to fall and falter away
like rotting leaves, or the departing of life, just like "king of the castle"
its too much work, my mind gains a sudden epiphany.
i oddly miss my high school days now.

2010-10-28T15:00:00.000-07:00

a job=conform to society
now, i feel like maybe its an excuse to buy time
for people like me who hasnt figured out what life is, what I want in life, where its gonna go.
if presented a good job in my field, vs working at where i am now, of course I am gonna take the good job, then am i not subjected to the conformation of society?
or do i have to get tt experience of working in that good job and realize how much i hate it before i decided to pull out?
and isnt workin at where i work now to earn some cash conforming to society?
so in the end, everyone conforms, unless u do begging on the streets, or basking. thats another way of doing a job, ppl say its passion, ITS CONFORMING!
i am confused, as you can see clearly.

2010-10-25T18:07:00.000-07:00

No one is at where they are. It's either the past or the present
-Liz G

I feel sad because this is a truth, yet I cannot help but slip into it every now and then, needing people to remind me of here and now to be pulled back.

2010-10-25T18:03:00.001-07:00

what was so special about you, that easy connection? is that enough to last at all? enough for that day.
i miss you, a little less each day. but ill send you my love still, and let go.

2010-10-25T18:01:00.001-07:00

Soul mate isnt one whom you think matches you, the one everyone seeks for a perfect fit for your personality. Soul mate is the one that mirrors you, allows an insight into the areas of your life that needs improvement and awakens your inner soul. Hence, a soul mate is never for long.
-Liz gilbert

2010-10-21T05:04:00.000-07:00

ive decided to live each day like its my last
its depressin
but i feel it makes me more appreciative
to feel the breeze in my face one last time
touch my skin one last time
see the blueness of the sky one last time
the greenness, the noise the colours of this world the people the smiles
one last time
and suddenly, every things seems sharper, more beautiful and more precious.

2010-10-21T04:45:00.001-07:00

sometimes i miss the simple life i experienced
i possessed little, i lived much
if u tell me the world is coming to an end
i may just give you a smile
and secretly, in my heart, laugh and wish for it
so i dont have to deal w all the baggage
everyone just carries bcos we live in this world

life is so hard to live sometimes, ending is such an easy, delicious, calming way out.

2010-10-21T04:36:00.000-07:00

i am a chinese gypsy.

2010-10-20T06:23:00.000-07:00

love fractures you? unreal is more powerful? sometimes, i pull away from others, bcos they not the one. i only live in my dreams, cos its the only safe haven for my wants to play out, cos i can only play you out there, you and your fuzzy face, and voice, and physique, and genuine-ness and all of you.

2010-09-16T19:10:00.000-07:00

im starting to realize what i miss about china
is how i was slapped with blessings consistently almost everyday, and many a times took my by surprise.
and im finding it hard to keep those multitude of lessons and epiphanies i had in china with me in melbourne
but the only thing that keeps coming clearer is how God was so faithful to me, bringing me through everything, things happen for a reason and i can clearly trust God.
and now, when everything else around me is having a war, my PR, jobless, superhigh rent, possible moving out next feb etc etc, i got this to remind me to stay calm
cos God's will for me will come to pass eventually. i just got to let go, be bendable flexible and let Him guide.
Right time right place, u ask me, i believe.

2010-09-10T19:06:00.000-07:00

if you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things, you never knew you never knew.

2010-09-10T19:02:00.000-07:00

i want to live life so my nights are not full of regrets
-D.H. Lawrence

2010-09-09T07:37:00.000-07:00

scorpio 24 july 2010

You’re not looking for a love that will lift you up and carry you away. A love that will stroll alongside you and make a few amusing comments will suffice on a day like today when you have plenty else to concentrate on.

2010-09-09T07:32:00.000-07:00

Profound emotions
where did all my persistent, adamant will to stay on in Melbourne go?
I cant seem to rmb how i felt a few months ago
What if i chose to accept KPMG offer, i would be back home now
with my parents, friends, familiarity, comfort and many new sights
Would i regret then?
Regret not abandoning the life of constant, of rush.
I really miss the days in china
where time was not an issue for me
nor the utterance of "who the hell has time for this" was ever on my lips
where i could just sit and admire nature in its barest form
and feel so insignificant, blown away by it all
With knowledge, and actual grasp that my problems are so small compared to those big tiger leaping gorge mountains, or beautiful yangshuo karst mountains and yellow fields.
that im so small and the world is so big
and that was what i wanted in life, to see the world. that will was so strong.
in times like this, who do i hang on? what do i have? is that why i run back to comfort? to security? where is my courage to step and touch the unknown.
i miss travelling, the hostels, the meeting of likeminded ppl, the easy instant connection with everyone of them in the room. liberating.
the alone-ness of it all, i will do it again, in a heartbeat.
what will happen to me.
i do not know
even my dad doesnt see what i feel
i want to take a year off and travel still, travel more.
am i being practical
will reality just pull me back to earth
just like how, for that moment, i was thrown into “i prob shud have gone back and worked at KPMG”
then my parents would approve, friends would think my life is sorted.
but is that what i want?

2010-06-16T21:51:00.001-07:00

"and all i can do is be true to myself
i don't need permission from nobody else
'cause this is the real world, i'm not a little girl
i know exactly who i am"

2010-06-14T06:03:00.000-07:00

Life is a gift. Accept it.
Life is an adventure. Dare it.
Life is a mystery. Unfold it.
Life is a struggle. Face it.
Life is a puzzle. Solve it.
Life is an opportunity. Take it.
Life is a mission. Fulfill it.
Life is a goal. Achieve it.

2010-06-08T19:54:00.000-07:00

life.really what is it.isnt this a question everyone repeatedly ask themselves but never really have a definate certain answer.
this question reduces me to tears frequently. this sinkin feeling into abyss about uncertainty & life just breaks my mind down. its something i cant quite grasp, and i cant seem to work my mind out of it.
Marriages, do they stale after a while? i look at my parents, and it brings a smile to my face that when i try to think of theirs negatively, i cant really point a bad side out w/o having something good to neutralize that. yes my dad is the most unromantic person ever, he dismisses my mum every so often but i realized its bcos hes talking about why she's looking at it wrong, not at her, but her way of thinkin. or am i covering up for him cos theres no other way i can look at my dad. this makes me cry again, im so scared to think otherwise. so their typical day would be my mum waking up, havin breakkie, dad havin his breakkie after, mum rushes off to work and so does dad, sometimes they go tog, sometimes not, theres never a demand to be driven by my mum, n my dad tries to ferry her around when possible. a mutual desire of wanting the other party to be in their best place. but i really dont know, i dont think i analyzed much enough before. or maybe a part of my mind refuses to analyze something else besides all that i see. their typical interaction from my memory involves my dad arguing w my mum (friendly of course) n her way of thinking. and me joining him on his side. my mum doesnt think big, doesnt dare probably, and resigns to whatever she is given. no frustration i see, maybe a lil dissapointment when she tells me she didnt go to college. this makes me cry again. did she even dream for herself? im sure she did, i guess she didnt have means to achieve them. this makes my heart rip itself into pieces.she accepts, something im so scared i woudl be reduced to, now im at the crossroads. i dont want to jump into a job i hate waking up to. she hates her job, but does she really? she knows she cant work anywhere else given her skils and knowledge. she is dependent on my dad. My dad is at where he wants to be now i guess, his business and all. He is such a smart guy, someone i really admire. he bullshits a lot, but he is funny as hell. he makes me laugh, he makes my brothers laugh at his incredulous bullshit and how he can say them w/o batting an eyelid, he has that face when he bullshits, haha, and he makes my mum laugh. maybe theres no physical love tt i see, well maybe not in front of me, but maybe in actions? they fell for each other, not in arranged marraiges like so many other asian parents, they had a choice n im glad it worked out for them. my dad makes my mum laugh everyday;)
i dont want a marriage that will stale, is it possible that ppl after a while fall out of love, and only by choice or duty that they stay together?
theres so many im so inexperienced about, so unknowing about, my mind is trying to find a way out, trying to break and analyze. i know im different. i want more. i want to achieve more and get what i want. and im only held back by what is given to me. i can want so much, but can i raelyl get them. and then again, do i realyl know what i want.?i dont. i dont have so many answers, which makes me cry in my mind, makes my mind run so fast at night when im supposed to be sleeping cos i try to shut that down in the day by busying myself with things, n thinking about this makes me so depressed.
i cant find my way, i really cant.
i write because thats the only way to put my thoughts out systematically. and know and look back that i once felt like that and compare to where i woulld be then, have i changed? have i improved?
pictures, people say, help them put their thinking into pplace visually, i think pictures are great, but can be very bias. i guess good photographers try to bring the truth out in them.
i have onslaughts of emotions, thoughts, i wish i could just think them through having answers at the end. i love drawing, i love writing, i might like editing pictures, i love travelling, but what am i doing studying commerce now? this path was taken bcos of the institutionalization of thoughts us singaporeans were drilled into since young. those days of getting into math/science was good "triple science they call it" and i was horrible so i got into the second worst class, the class where we take humanities. HELL, given a choice, i would dfeinately have gone this path again, take history again, done some arts degree instd of commerce. but then if ihave done some arts, i might have wondered about commerce. im just corssing off the things i dont liek now. when am i ever gonna land that thing tt i love, that i would love waking up everyday, feeling right. i have not felt right , i dont know when i have.
.....

but i say, he makes my mum laugh.

2010-06-07T02:22:00.000-07:00

so today is the 7th of june 2010
i had my first paper.
i dont feel anything
this doesnt feel like any of my past exam
i would be really really sick of studying and would feel a momentary loss after the paper.
but today, it just felt unreal that i actually took audit for a sem, took an exam and now im officialyl done with it.
just hasnt hit me yet
nothing has
omg and i have to sort my life out after, soonnn
what do i really want i dont know.
i really really wish that i could just fall asleep under
a blanket of stars
with no worry at all
and dance with the sun rise among flying dandelions
and wake up feeling right.
i havent felt right, i dont know when i last felt right.

2010-06-01T19:19:00.000-07:00

its already 2 june
i got so much emotions
i dont know where to spill
and some people are just so confusin
i want to know what they are thinking.
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING.

2010-05-28T00:11:00.000-07:00

My mum's email made me a lil nostalgic.
esp when she talked about Sentosa.
it sounded like it came out of a movie
& that we all seem so old and out of date
will i ever write something like this in the future?
does distance really make relationships stronger?
what does it depend on?

Dear Mei,

Today is a holiday in Singapore , Vesak day , so all of us are at home , Nana just came over. your two brothers still have not wake up yet , it's already 11am .

I have attended our service bonding night in Sentosa yesterday , meet some of the old colleages , Sentosa has a lot of changes , no longer like the old day , quite confusing , no road sign , we are surpose to go to siesolo beach, but end up passing by resort casino . food are quite good compared with last year , may be next times when you come back , we should visit the palce again..

Thanks for your card, it's very loving and touching , I shall keep it in my safe forever. hope I can exercise more lah..

When will you complete your exam ? daddy said he wants to go lijiang in July , let me know the date so that we can plan to meet you there.

Remember to eat more cooling stuff during exam , like barley or some chinese herbs etc.

Take care and God bless !

Mummy.

2010-05-26T23:21:00.000-07:00

today is 27may
its my last day in uni
as a uni student
but i didnt go for my spanish class
so technically 26may2010 is my last official day.
i dont feel anything
maybe it will kick in soon
is knowing more actually a good thing,
is it under the pretext of not wanting to appear like a fool
and performing better in future
& really, freedom of speech?
I have it, yet i dont.

2010-05-23T03:44:00.000-07:00

Being young sometimes brings innocent questions filled with genuine want to get an answer, annoyance at fate & many times being hurt and hence, these questions.
like "why am i born in this family", a famous question i loved asking myself in the death of the night, crying myself to sleep cos my brothers just could not stop making me feel like an alien in the family, could not stop teasing me breaking me down & i had no choice but to listen to them cos we still were sleeping in the same room, seeing other children have their mums come pick them up, seeing other children get along w their siblings so well, n wondering why i never had that, well, in retrospect, its amazing children, even when they cant really think logically can understand, desire and feel hurt that adults can feel too &, well, my brothers were just being boys

And no, not a pity story here, i just realized how lucky i am to have this wonderful VOO family of mine! when some ppl told me that their parents dictate their lives, their studies, their careers, i just cant fathom that! My dad is simply the best dad ever! yes, he forced me to memorize the damn math timetables, he whipped me good but still, it was for my good. Not once did he force me to take a path he wanted me to take. more often than not, its me who tells him what i feel like & he will always ALWAYS say something good about tt thing im gonna do. Just basically, letting me do whatever i want with his quiet support. i used to think, why wouldnt my dad just tell me so i wouldnt have to choose but i guess i raelly appreciate this now.& i wonder if i took accounting and finance was a partial influence from him, cos i still dream of working on a business deal with him, daughter father team. I am my daddy;s girl, my grandma once said, if i wanted the stars in the sky, he would get them for me. i didnt doubt that, i knew my bobby would, even if this sounds ludicrous, i know that he would do whatever to make me happy=) thats how much i know he loves me, and i love him too=)
My mum is classic HAHA yes we quarelled more than any mother-daughter maybe cos i felt she was always a lil biased, well she is, but she's still a really supportive mum, never dictated my life, ok maybe forced me to learn the piano and not ballet which was what i wanted, but still, when i wanted to study in the US, she told me to go for it even tho my dad didnt really want me to cos of the costs. and i knew she just wanted the best for me, cos she nv had a chance for college, hence, she wanted me to have something i raelly want, something she nv had.
i cannot fathom my parents forcing me!well, i got to sort my life out soon and somehow they trust me with that?!? i cant really comprehend that but i guess i can when i be a mum (not soon, of course)
well, my lil brother and i are like buddies now. sleepovers and girls talk in his room, constant harrassment of him tho annoys him bonds us.i want him to go thru stuff i wished i had but nv had the chance too. i guess thats how my parents want me to have to. well, this is the only thing i can relate too.
as for my older brother, well, i shall write something when i have something.
and why am i born in this family? i dont know, i only know how blessed i am.

2010-05-20T07:55:00.001-07:00

me, o lil faith, really

He is the Same today as when He walked this earth so long ago!

2010-05-17T08:21:00.000-07:00

so A announced quietly tt she;s already married while we waltzed down the shelves at safeway.
more of an arranged one, to please her parents. & i asked isnt that sad & she said its ok, feelings can be developed over time. not entirely false, unless uve been good platonic friends for years w that guy &just aint into him that way. and she said that as long as he likes her, tts enough. really? its like the guy's got his claim, his ultimate object of desire(YOU A!)& what have you got? not much but a confused spirit & forced mindset to like him cos he's already your husband.no? its amazin how she puts on that happy face each day like nothing can knock her down yet go thru all these craziness internally.

on a side totally warped note, a sudden thought came to me after zi said sex is overrated[ dont quite know or agree but to each her own=) ], one night stand can be liberating. In the sense that both parties are completely clueless about each other's real flaws, and really, come on, one night standers dont really care about how fat you are, how lumpy, shit like that & the next day, u dont have to deal w the stuff about a person tt turns you off bt yet u got to wrok around it, like in a real deal. but then again, this comes w all the risks, the diseases you might catch, the degredation of state of being. but then again, is it all in the mind? its a mind game,the strongest wins, aint it?
yea and to convince myself im not totally crazy (i nd to lock this blog so i can write more random thoughts that i can never say out in person or even form such sentences just off hand, another liberation)n gone off all loca about sex all of a sudden, i think ppl on the other hand should talk about sex, there should be education about this, the weighings of ad/disadv, esp from ppl who have experienced it all.
i still stand by my saying that people do things sometimes that may not be the best thing to do just bcos they lack the education, or the exposure to both good and more imptantly bad sides.

2010-05-16T21:37:00.000-07:00

run, run, run my mind every night
i miss the past's easy & restful sleep at patsy's
my mental state was probably so abused by my amazing total concentration on finance and homework
that i was able to fall alseep while in the process of getting into bed & just collaspe into a state of serenity.

I wonder if things wld be diff if it was 5 yrs ago, and i was what i am today. maybe i wld nv have screwed up, played it well cos i knew it was there, n not have left w a never felt before feeling of my heart stabbed and throw into an abyss, along with genuine unforced breakdown. but is it better to hurt than feel nothing at all & move on quickly after that, knowing im human? i believe humans love our emotions so much cos we feel that without them, we cant identify who we are, what we are.
and then i wonder again what if i was what i am a year ago. wld things hv been diff? i dont even rmbr s's voice, feeling heavy hearted when 'mr curiosity' plays on my phone while jogging and strangly i couldnt even cry a single tear no matter how much i forced after that day i woke up and i felt like a living nightmare and after tt day i did something i wld nv do again, and iv nv cried for them ever since 5 yrs ago.reversely, when i watch a sad soppy film & try to cry for my past to relish or probably indulge myself in some sadness. i stop, cold turkey, not because i know its not worth as whats in the past was stupid dumb silly n not even worth another though but i just wanna cry but i CANT CRY. WHY.
& of course, these things may pale in comparison with urs, but once again, im being human here, clinging on to the past to hv experiences to form myself or what i think i am.
i guess i nv allow myself to go tt far as the first time now. so i guess i dont feel anything anymore. only hear the sounds of my thoughts running at night & futile attempt to stop them just so i can sleep & hope what follows would be a dark, blank dreamless sleep.
hey i sound demented, neurotic, am i feeling smoeothing now??=+(?

2010-05-16T03:06:00.000-07:00

There’s no need to miss someone from your past.
There’s a reason they didn’t make it to your future.
not entirely false, and i wished some sure did.
and those who is your present, no matter how much u try to break
the wall down
all that perfectionism, worries about crossing the lines
makes you wish you could take some from the present, take some from the past, swap it around and make it your future.

2010-05-11T07:32:00.000-07:00

humans are so evil sometimes
children can be so cruel
just bcos u had it good doesnt mean
u can lift that finger and point at others
and say tt person is trying to be something else
cos tt person may just be trying to find himself, no?
and doenst mean your way is the right way, theres so many ways
how do u justify urs is the right one.
dont say u can identify urself with this or that
cos i dont cringe when i hear a chinese song come on
i dont say its a horrible language. frankly, i think chinese
songs have one of the beautiful ways of expressing feelings
and i absolutely love them.
but i feel u do.
i m talkin about general people so theres no pinning down on someone, ok maybe a group of people.
well, these people, u are fake urself in some ways so i will take that finger back and stick it up your fake ass
yea take that, in your fake face that calls others fake.

2010-05-07T07:32:00.000-07:00

theres no constant.
its a whole game of hard ball playing but gaining no results.
u realize stuff amidst all these things.
u see the split in the parties.
u wonder why.
u wonder where u belong.
u wonder why some people change all of a sudden.
u wonder why some people dont bother treating u the same as before once they know u wont give them more, what they want.
u look around to look for familiarity, comfort.
u wonder at the choices u made.
u wonder hard.
u know u tried hard.
u wonder about ur future.
u wonder

2010-04-27T22:08:00.000-07:00

27 april 2010, 1am
Help me
it cried, against the walls of the toilet, in the death of night.

2010-04-24T05:47:00.000-07:00

its so scary how human feelings are. its so easy to want the intense rush back to comfort, to familiarity, to all things nice, to constant. when i was back home, i was on constant, life was almost perfect, nv needed anything else. was nice and good when i was bored i had my bobby and mary and daniel.
here, everythings just unpredictable. friends unpredictable. friends come and go. friends have mood. same applies for myself. unpredictable was and is the very thing thats constant. but as always, theres a flip side. whats life when ure always on a constant? nv growing, exploring, learning how one can push himself to expand in all ways, feeling like u got too much work too lil time pushed all the way back in your head. people seem to understand you for a day & the next day, you dont seem to know them anymore. everyones guarded & its so refreshing to just see someone excited to know you, make freinds with you or even talk. you see the passing by of ppl, ignoring each other, wanting to change that, but be pushed to conform to not touch that custom cos everyones just so cold & ignorant.
so is constant good? i like it, but i think this is my season to be rocked side to side n come out of it stronger. today, i say i had enough. i am sad, i am tired, i am lonely, i am worried sick about everything but i stop being sad, i stop being tired, i stop being lonely, i stop being sick with worry and just be awesome, breathe easy, and smile a little, life really feels better for that one instant. but how do u define life again? theres so much more i want to push myself to learn, to experience, i want to be given that opp that chance, i want to look back and know each season ive learnt and grown. today, now, i be happy. besides, one min wasted on negativity is one min lost, so pounce on positivity, look at the positive side of everyone (which is something ive gotta learn and work hard at) n be happy.

2010-04-05T22:18:00.001-07:00

I like to prove people wrong when they doubt my capabilities and believe i should only stick to something of my own calibre.
really, if its something they feel way out of my league, they go at lengths to bring me down or just think im trying to be something i am not.
if its something less great, they tease, they encourage, they believe.
why would you do that to someone, cos u wont do that to urself, why limit yourself when you can possibly achieve more & grow. getting out of ur own comfort zone does not equate to being someone else,its more of a desire to see how far u can go.
PEOPLE JUST STOP BEING SO NARROW MINDED< SELFISH JUST BCOS U SEE SOMEONE GETTING A BETTER STUFF> and this applies to me as well.
HUMAnS< i HATE being human, hate all these flaws, insecuritis, lack of confidence and the shit being a person bring.

somehow, your heart already knows what you want to be

2010-03-24T00:45:00.001-07:00

Every sixty seconds you spend angry, upset or mad, is a full minute of happiness you'll never get back. Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance.

2010-03-11T06:19:00.001-08:00

so im at the crossroads agains. its like the worst road u can ever land on.
and i look at some pics, here and there, and wished what would it be like if things were diff for me, maybe then i wld be more extroverted, more fun, more loving, more laid back,more chilled, more sociable, more more more
wanna burn up my notes, clear my mind, find a nice warm windy spot under a blanket of million stars and just lay there till i fall asleep sans all worries and anger and incontentment.

and i said i wanna grow up faster?

2010-01-18T21:03:00.000-08:00

SO, 2010 jan is gonna go by soon
and i shall make this space a space about God's blessings in my life.
Lets see
2008: God blessed me wtih what i prayed for and wanted, for a housemate, zi ;)
2009: God Blessed me a lot of international friends, a job, nice lodge, and many wonderful travelling expeirences. God brought me through heartaches and mindgames and i grew from that.i also come to know and help out at Stitches now=)
2010: Arrived back in melb, didnt know i booked the wrong day for airportservicejetbus & surprisingly, a friend was on the same flight, and came out when i was figuring my next step and gave me a lift home. i also lost my phone in her car and found it back. it was like i almost expected that i would somehow get to the lodge with God's blessings.
Got back to working w/o going down to see the boss which was good.
all these lil small blessings, i thank God cos i know simply it came from him and no one else.

your time is a gift from God so why the difficulty in giving some back to God?
i shall try to work on things that wont war agasint my soul & know that i wont miss out much in life/disconnected from this world, in faith!
very incoherent, badly written post i know, forgive me

2009-11-25T14:43:00.000-08:00

my lord, so many ppl's getting engaged and marriage.
thats such a leap of faith gosh
getting into someting seriuos is even scary for me
i wonder what those ppl are going thru
anyhow tonights gonna be a good night=)

2009-11-20T22:12:00.000-08:00

sometimes, life is so hard to live.
trying to find urself and find that standing point
is basically an institution i want to graduate from, ASAP.

2009-11-05T14:58:00.001-08:00

i have lost a complete sense of identity
& my mind races each long night to find it back.

2009-10-18T20:34:00.000-07:00

All of us are scarred by life; it’s just that some scars show more clearly than others. Our scars tell us that we have lived.” Diana Golden

2009-10-16T20:55:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wish ppl were here to make things easier
but that is the way cowards prefer(or so i think)
or maybe thats what we all need everynow and then
i am getting more random
i disdain the fact of how certain things can swim around in my mind 24/7 and cause a sinkin feeling in my heart when i awake and live the day and fall asleep disturbed.

2009-10-12T21:08:00.000-07:00

so ive not been doing well, and this i mean just passing, my assignments
not doing well for oral de espanol at ALL
me vestir igual puta porque i dont seem to know,care about studies
and todos los dias im stuck on HOUSE, awesome show btw.
but i shall just tap into the higher source of power from above.
and trust, as always, or bcos im forced too.
questioning my faith seems to be an ongoing thing.

2009-09-27T07:38:00.000-07:00

feels weird being back
feels weird using my own laptop
feels weird touching this orange table
feels weird not seeing G around
feels weird not eating at their table
feels weird

anyhow , i woke up in sydney, had fantastic time serving in cubby house and hillsongs, arrived in canberra, took a flight and passed out in melbourne. how cool is that=)

2009-09-12T19:16:00.001-07:00

=)
everyone starts from somewhere.

2009-09-12T19:12:00.000-07:00

=).

primer espanol entry

2009-09-04T20:32:00.000-07:00

entonces, aqui mi espanol entry, para mi amigos quien puede leer espanol por supuesto! en mi realmente mal espanol tho.

pues, es septiembre ya! no puedo creelo! a donde todos mi tiempo ir? mucho tareas, exames y debo trabajar pero me gusta trabajando entonces vale=)

dios mio, no quiero estudiar, solo quiero divertirme! como! por que! y viviendo en el past debo ver el future! ahhhhhhhhh muy ocupado ese dias porque no buen tiempo managment.

ah salgo ahora a estudio y trabajo luego. hasta luego mi amigos.

2009-08-30T19:48:00.000-07:00

so, today's the last day of august. its like saying "where did my august go" again. it causes your mind to hurridly flick thru its memory storage just to see what you've done with ur past month & trying to inprint as much as you can recall of all those nice things that happened that month in ur mind forever, then slows down when you think its just a waste of your memory & strength. thats why us humans have something we write in daily faithfully if possible called the journal.

but seiruosly, i think ive not been studying as hard, or even partying as hard. i guess the aussie life has slowed me down, brainwashed me a lil that all these stuff can be pushed to later. i havent been reflecting enough, just wishing i had more time in my hands. i m still living in the last sem, wishing the old batch of ppl were still ard eg. but looking at things now, im really enjoying things with Z, getting to know here on a one on one basis. its nice and i guess there's just a season for everything.

and i had hives a week ago. its the most annoying yet amazingly clever kind of rash that appears and disappears so the docs cant diagnose. luckily, we humans outsmart those pesky rash with our thing called the camera.

so long amigos, mi espanol es mejor. los hombres eres aqui para repaiendo nuestro lavabo entonces yo tengo termino ahora. i shall blog in full on spanish next. hasta luego, chao.

2009-08-12T21:29:00.001-07:00

today, i woke up fighting to remember where i am where the hell am I? it felt like a cold sg, my old place, my new place, new york, aus reality mixed with dreams, a confusing thing. i miss my girlfriends-(

2009-07-16T07:11:00.000-07:00

I cant believe its already july!

what a semester i must say, crushes&heartbreaks, Friendships&quarrels, but i guess

i learnt a lot, a lot and i have to thank God that it was really something to go through

something i wouldnt get just stayin home in sg.

so this is an entry for myself mainly, for remembrance's sake.

23feb, sending G off, i cried.

it was painful to part with bff of course.

26 feb, arrival in melb. i swear i was unhappy to arrive.

the airstewardess were bitches and everything was gloomy.
we had an unilodge BBQ on the day i arrived.
view from my floor. didnt want to meet anyone
didnt want to talk to anyone
cried myself to sleep the first week missing everything bac home.
unpacking yet another overweight luggage

my room, which will be my nest till july 2010. i love it btw.=)

arrival with val, most of the stuff are mine. observe the umbrellas, we need strong ones for crazy melb weather, hail and storm.

MARCH

frisbee with sean, anna, hitesh, ro, robert and zi.

was really fun i enjoyed it.

cant believe we did this only ONCE, ONCE wth we shud have done this EVERYWEEk.

sunny and when we could still wear shorts n sleeveless.

5th floor cookout

key's missing, and we only done it ONCE, ONCE again.

when we said we should have more.

now everyone's gone, its awful, i miss my old floor awfully much, really. we had such a good international floor=) oh wells.

1st night out with anna
nv thought anna was the kind to hang out, but turned out she;s such an awesome partylover, tequillalover and good friend=)

we had so many heart to heart talk

figuring out the guys

and concluding guys are all guilty until found innocent basically.

umpired for a softball match.

shoppin at flea vintage wtih em and zi=)

my scar is still there

blame the overweight luggages

or my neediness of my stuff

APRIL!

April's fool

how can Hoon let us off the hook

Wanting's 21st

i love that girl=)

and it was one of the best buffet places in mleb

Easter break!

Rugby Match at Arena

boring game but it was nice hanging out with Matt, when he was still normal

MAY
decided to check out the rooftops

it was gorgeouss

melb;'s so pretty,

esp now im here in brisbane and just cant compare to my melb at all

Ola and tran'sbday

the night when i was drunk and out the first time in my life

an experience i say.

4 tequillas my limit, currently.

but hey, my recovery was quick *snap

Night out with 5th floor boys and anna.

the night that i thought... but nahhh

Eurotrash

the night i wanted to ask and confess, but saw something else.

i woke up, felt horrible cos it was real.

still i had fun that night.

and im glad to say its all over now.100%

Horseriding and the Deck

we went horseriding that day

6 hrs travelling time.

and we still managed to party up at THE DECK< where all the hot guys are damnn haha

i actually know how to trot a horse now!

GALA NIGHT

2nd last day of uni

it was so much fun, really.

oh ya forgot to add in Em's bday for may

i enjoyed that night!

and tt was the night i thought he was gonna ask me out

and then everything just went wrong.

ohwells, i say everything happened for a reason

Perserverance Hotel

lots of memories here

lots of partying

90s music and all

AFL and Jivesh's house party

so off that night

regretted some stuff

but i say again, things happened for a reason

my bitches!

AFL league!

BIMBOS

4 bucks quality pizza

the place to go=)

JUNE!!!

EVE

btw exams party

we needed that, hot stuff

Pretty melb=)

Unilodge parties last few days of june

yes i do miss the old ppl

everyone's back in their own countries now, faraway.

some i will meet again i know, some never

but it was the process, learning to come out, get to know ppl, stand on your own feet, know your own stand on stuff, speak up, love daringly, and of course, the things that we girls always conclude : not to take guys seriuosly.

it was a good sem

thank you jesus=)

2009-05-24T21:14:00.000-07:00

i miss my friends back home
i miss my family
i miss homecooked unmicrowaved food
i miss sleeping without thinkin at all
i miss nice dreams
i miss old times
i miss myself
i think we will function on weird ties till the end
gosh why the emo hombre

2009-05-24T07:21:00.000-07:00

i nv thought i would feel like THE bitch
cos im always thinking i would be the victim, all the time.
but this time i really did feel like one
and its a horrible feeling
argh, thats why ppl shouldnt think too much
but it looks ok now
so i dont feel that bad
its weird how you wake up feeling victorious cos you managed to act the words out "TAKE THAT BACK" the night before
then when the night is coming to an end, you feel like an absolute loser bitch.
HUMANS, why are we so weird

2009-05-16T04:20:00.000-07:00

night tt i knew it was over=)

horseriding! thats me
i looked professional

like a real horse rider

wanting's 21st=) and when my fringe was short still

that was like during easter, omg where did the past month go to

em's 21st!
.

i spoke. bore the embarrassement and now

i can move on, chin up and be proud tt im not a cobarde

something to look back and smile at when im older

at least now i know what it feels like when the smile was only for you

and sleep and wake up without things running thru my mind

study without thoughts going back and forth

get heart wrenched cos of confusion

it was all a silly mistake to conclude

Queen L's back, bitch, make way =)

2009-05-08T00:15:00.000-07:00

omggg
how diff is a yellow melon than a white?
dios pronto ayudas mi <3

2009-05-07T04:48:00.000-07:00

bah bah black sheep
whats in its mind
the yellows so tired
it just wanna wake up
somewhere else

2009-05-02T23:10:00.000-07:00

\today marks the day i ask
wth is wrong with a guy's mind
whatever melts his butter i guess
FAG

2009-05-02T22:58:00.001-07:00

Type your summary here

Type rest of the post here

leave it up to God above

2009-04-19T06:56:00.000-07:00

High school started before 7am, but now anything before noon is considered “early”.
Weekends start on Friday.
6am is when you go to sleep, not when you wake up.
You know many different ways to cook maggi mee and eggs.
You check Facebook and Friendster more than once a day.
You wash dishes in the bathroom sink.
The standard of meals per day falls to two, sometimes just one.
Your trash is overflowing and your BANK ACCOUNT isn’t.
You go to ALDI(supermart) more than 3 times a week.
Your underwear/sock supply dictates your laundry schedule.
You wear the same jeans for months without washing them.
You hardly wash your bedsheets
You rely on deodorants more than ever
You bring back socks from the laundry room that may or may not be yours.
You try to study but seem to procrastinate by eating, going to study breaks, talking to people, etc…
You talk to your roommate on instant messenger when you’re both home.
You ask people what you did last night.
You see people you know you’ve met but can never remember their names or how you know them.
You sleep more in class than in your room (HOW TRUE!)
Going to the library is a social event.
Taking a nap in the library is perfectly acceptable.
Anything can be cooked in a microwave and rice cooker.
You can’t imagine life without your computer/cell phone/ i-pod.
You desperately need a car.
You only find out a class is cancelled after you get there and sit for about ten minutes and then you f*ck the lecturers.
A cancelled class is almost as exciting as Christmas.!!!
You’ve eaten cereal out of a cup with a fork.!!!!
You finish reading this and wonder how you can procrastinate next.
you blurt out "omg, how did it get so late" at least once a day

2009-03-11T02:59:00.001-07:00

some days its good some days its bad
WHEn can it ever be constant
IM SO DAMN SICK OF STUDYING and its only the second week
por que?
cant post no pics too. WHY GRRRRRRRRR

2009-03-11T02:59:00.000-07:00

some days its good some days its bad
WHEn can it ever be constant
IM SO DAMN SICK OF STUDYING and its only the second week
por que?
cant post no pics too. WHY GRRRRRRRRR

2009-03-03T04:07:00.000-08:00

my lap top doesnt want to upload pics
didnt get what i wanted, but what can i do but trust
sometimes u wonder if that is said just to comfort myself
bah
comfort in dreams

2009-02-23T18:52:00.000-08:00

one more day.
i am a little excited. and a little sad.

2009-01-25T05:38:00.000-08:00

2009 =)

i expect a great awesome year ahead.amen\

and so ive decided to ask for early clearance from KPMG

simply cant take the environment anymore.

so when im bored at work, this is what i do:

compare my left and right side faces

i know, i know

i know i have this weird pervertic obsession with how faces should be symmetric and mine isnt

so i just love seeing how diff both sides look

its like two diff ppl.

mine left side. its fatter and higher

its skinner and more defined and lower.
yes i know. im weird.
maybe u all shud try it too.
.
.
and finally we four girls from unit 15 managed to get clients whose locations are extremely near by
so we popped out tog for lunch and tea by raffles mrt.

=)

that day, i coudnt take work. decided to take MC but left work only at 3pm. what kind of sane person would take MC at 3pm. still, tt day was my happiest. see my joy in the bus.

my first coach bag. chio?

my heels broke again. i look like a schoolgirl here. i love the fact that i managed not to look chao lao in this pic.

and fooling ard when we are bored.

and meeting up with my girlies.

so that sums up much of my jan.

im thinking of backpacking to cameron highlands and langkawi alone

anyone wants to join me?

so till then.

xoxo

2009-01-01T09:22:00.000-08:00

2009 WILL BE AWESOME GOD BLESSED.

to welcome 2009, we had to see fireworks of course
and it was beautiful gorgeous sans shortlived. so lovely i could only stare

my cousin said the best fireworks was in spain

it went on for 30 mins

I WANNA SEE IT TOOOOOOOO

cousins and jes.

i am glad i went to europe

got closer to her =)

i am glad i went to melbourne

got closer to ACGG =)

oh oh oh btw i made bobby change his hairstyle+)

no actually i was trying to use some herbal hair blackening stuff

and decided to do a little change to his ugly hair style h had all his life. what a dull unadventurous style sense i must say.

and after fireworks and all that fun we had, i got home at 7am in the morn

looking and acting like a zombie

then got up at 11am *cries* for granny's bday=)

the cousins, tho missing a few. and the granny.

of course the granny's favourite sits beside her and hugs her and has her grannys hand over her shoulders. of course that fave is me=) ahha

EX - TKGS GIRLS

i cant beelive we all left that school =(

and we still know the school song. even my aunt whose 50.

TKgians without the very old ex girl=)

ohwells. im havin cramps again

and i shall recap on 2008

2008 i heart ;)

Phuket-love love loved the sun beach and fun

Europe-need i say more? im going back someday, hopefully

Melbourne-ahhhhhhhh

i rmbr the first few weeks was depressing

the first day, after dinner, i went back to self isolation in sam's room cos i knew no more, stef was out and i barely knew the new friends i made a few hours ago. i had nowhere to go, it was too cold to stay sane. basically i felt tt i probably made the wrong move to choose melb. i prob shud have chosen UQ or sydney where i had some familiarity. moving from diff house to house wasnt fun at all, having to put up at ppl's place where i felt bad imposing on them. i had to find my own place and God provided at the very last minute. sometimes i wonder why its always the very last minute, oh wellsssss

then after moving to patsy's and meeting zi and em in such amazing God blessed ways, the rest was history i guesss=) esp the last week before flying back, i was enjoying things immensly.

if i have to go through that same loneliness i felt in the first few weeks, m not sure how i would handle it again. but im glad i got thru it and came out with much more than i expected i would get=) so for my exchange, im a lil apprehensive that i would once again go to another foreign place, know no one, start from scratch and then leave when things are at its peak, but im gonna do it if possible, ive got only one life to live anyway=)

KPMG-wells, as for unit's bitching i shall try to ignore. they dont know who they are messin with. i shall try to enjoy myself and ignore that girlhatingboylovingfemalesenior.

and

i wanna learn all the lessons im supposed to get out of all the situations i am in. i dont want to go thru shitty stuff and get nothing out of them. uh uh no.

i think i wrote a boring post and thats where i shall leave u guys

much love friends=)

2008-12-26T21:18:00.000-08:00

my long holiday is gonna be gone and its back to being a SGWARRIOR AGAIN=(

25/12/2008
9pm-midnight:
my emily came from malaysia and of course i had to meet up with her.

and resume our cam whoring activites whee

25/12/2008

3pm-8pm

Family annual xmas gathering

getting worse w each yr

the cousins and a baby

bobby

vowchais;)

cups for family present

observe,my paranoid elder bro has washed the paint off

cos hes definate tt it will poison him

cheesecake and presentsss

ah and that sums up my xmas day

im so lazy to update anymore

maybe i will one of these days when i have enough of online surfing on the job.

boring bt thats nt the point

much love friends=)

2008-12-19T08:37:00.000-08:00

does a relationship involve just two people

or does it involve more than that?

like the sibling, parents etc etc

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Should the other person always expects you to understand

expects you to be the one to give in

and then says that other factors are because of in built characterisitcs

and leave you to be the one to take in all the shit and compromise always

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If it happens too many times
do you still close an eye and silently cry?
or do you argue till the other one gets your point

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If you think theres no future

should you still even continue?

or should you just persist on.

so is it actually better to walk alone?

or to live on pretending that the fairytale you tried hard to make it happen

will actually come true, and that everything will be alright one day?

..
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Is that why they say Love is blind?

I have no answer actually, only that sometimes it really escapes me.

WHAT IS LOVE

Is it a feeling

is it a place

pls dont tell me-its the willingness to do whats best for the other person-heard enough

cos you cant always be the one giving if its a one sided road

dont want understand, dont want to care.

dont want to get high blood pressure.

dont want to see. dont want to hear.

dont want to know.

just wish you all the best my friend :)

or maybe im just a pampered spoilt queen and you're my holy maiden.

im just mad and annoyed at why i cant see from your point of view. annoyed that im not one holy sweet nice maiden.
.

and maybe cos i love you too much my friend.

too much that it boils me much to see other ppl treating you like shit.

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what say you?

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